night-shift

me masoom nirash dara hua ,
subh ke is pahar me thaka hua
apne ap se bheeter ladta hua
kuch soya to kuchh jaga hua
kabhi muh khula to kabhi band karta hua
kabhi programme likhta hua to
kabhi facebook per chatting karta hua
to kisi se dal-bati banna sikhta hua
adhi khuli ankho se swapn dekhta hua
apni halat pr adha hasta to adha rota hua
kursi per sota to dubra jagta hua
chamse ko pehnta to utarta hua
kabhi curve fitting karta hua
kabhi i2c comm sikhta hue ko
ek security guard ko dekhkar
ek vichar dimag me kondha
20 sal se bina shikayat ke
poori mustaidi or starkta se
kaise kar leta hai ye kam
mehnat me hi hai aram or
jimmedari me hi hai sukun

or lag gya me fir se programming ki duniya me :)

i was dying inside.......

i was dying inside
cldnt talk,
cldnt see
cldnt hear,
world looked more gloomy.
i was sick of me

i was dying inside.
no courage ,
no desire ,
no spirit ,
only melancholy and pain ,
i was searching mental peace.

i was dying inside .
love,
sorrow,
pain ,
never ending emotional slavery
i was looking independence

i was dying inside .
tears
memories
emotions
i wanted halt over feeling of guilt
i was dying inside ..........

If...........

Word 'If' is very important word in English language , we can use word in three tenses
1) Past tense :- if I had known , I could .................
2) Present tense :- If I know , I can ....
3) future tense :- If I will know , I will be able to ................

So , intelligent person and fool person decipher this "If" word according their attributes .

Fool persons :- Most of the time they talk about Past tense , in present they talk about past , in future they talk about present , every time same "If" happens to them , and every time they are found being said ," if I had known , I could ....... " there more action is dependent on sentence " If i had known ........ " and out come is always "I could .......... "

Intelligent persons :- They live in present , they talk about present . There both action and outcomes are based on I can ..........This is definitely better form than former one .Well , this form is better than former one , but definitely not ideal one . intelligent persons live in present , never taking corrective measure against past . They "know" the things only if they "do" the things, . so better modified sentence for those is "Since I want to do this , i should know that "


Proactive persons :- Here comes ideal one . They exactly know that , since they didn't know this thing they were not able to finish that . More or less they think for future ,act for present and learn from past . In present they take corrective measure against their mistakes done in past . In present they know/try to know the unfinished thing . being independent if they will be given chance to finish that thing again or not , and commit themselves to take appropriate action in future , when so ever they will be given a chance .


what might have been , is have been already , no one can change . what one can change is learn from past , and commit one self , he wont repeat that again .


*** No one can go into past and change the present , but every one can go in present and change the future ***



Happy living !

MunMun in '96

Note :- This blog is for 'MunMun' only , read this at your own risk , u may get bore !

Well , this was one of most fascinating and memorable year of my life , i turned to be 8 year old in month of January. I can still recall some of events of that year , that triggered to me . My poor memory doesn't allow to recall all things happened around in same year ;(

School :-

1) Me,first time topping the half -yearly exam and annual exam , besides first time I got 67/70 and 96/100 marks in maths , so much good marks that every one praised me about , and suddenly i became hero in school from being an average guy .

2) My , class teacher being Mr. Jayveer sharma , who had fascinated me always , this year decided not to teach us tuition for some months , and i was almost crying .

3) My courage , to ask to Headmaster directly about giving me lesser marks in many subjects , after being motivated by Mr. Jayveer Sharma

4) I, being first time monitor of class.

fun and entertainment :-

This year brought lot of entertainment .

1) cricket world cup 96 , my first interaction with cricket , then sachin making so much runs , and from there itself I became ardent fan of him .I can remember quarter final in banglore 288 for india , then league match with west-indies in gwalior , semi-final in eden garden , srilanka 252 and then kambali weeping ;(

2) Most awaited comics " Rajnagar ki tabahi " , then I stealing 2 rupees for that ;) and became ardent fan of "Nagraj " too .

3) My interaction with Gulli-danda and kanche ,, playing gulli-danda in Dharmshala ground during rainy season in ground full of mud .

4) For comics things, some dark experiences too , i would better not like to discuss here ;(

Spirituality:- I , reading whole Ramcharit Manas , and having some spiritual experiences , Became fan of Lord Ram too

That all I can recall from that year > ;)

Is 'love' a verb or noun ?

love as verb : I love u
love as noun : love is beautiful .

Note :- here from word " love " by all mean , is love between teenagers , please don't mistake to think it " brother -sister love of 1980 , bollywood movie" or " mother-son love of mother-india"

This is the question in my mind from many days , but i am able to shape up my blinking thoughts today only .So , How do u see love as " verb " or as " noun " ?? U actually " act " the love , like u do the " eat " or love automatically happens to u ? Definitely second feeling is more beautiful and more lively . I will divide love-cycle into four phases

1. Initial phase
2. grown-up phase
3. maturity -phase
4.break-up phase

1. Initial phase : I don't believe in bollywood style platonic love , where hero , heroine gazes each other , and commit each other to live together for whole life . But , definitely there is big role of infatuation for fall in love , one gets attracted for other one's some virtue , may be its beauty , cuteness ,humorous, intelligence , smartness, thoughts matching , simplicity or sex :P , what so ever , depend on person to person . But in this phase definitely " love is a verb ." U get attracted , u feel good with him /her , but u " act" the love , u anyhow want to impress him /her , u " appreciate " , u "listen " , u " sacrifice " , though many moments come when u don't want to do same , and in this phase if some one other with same /grown-up virtue meets u , u may also get attracted towards her/him

2. Grown-up : That is most beautiful phase of love . Here love acts as "noun " , u dont " act" instead love "acts for " u , u are "acted upon " love . Here U sing song for her , U dance with her , U laugh with her , U automatically feel like listening her , sacrificing for her , appreciating for her .Any how U want to make her happy . Every small act of her looks beautiful to u , u feel like " u cant afford to loose her " , albeit Aishwarya -ray is proposing u .


3. Mature -phase : This is most critical phase of love . Well ,its been said " We are selfish , we cant love any one more than ourselves " . Its always correct in every context , every where . U are loving some one because " U want to be loved " .And if u dont feel same , forget about love " u first need to love urself to love other-self "
After second phase of love , ur love becomes mature , differences come between thoughts
but for some 'lucky ' people , their love in grown-up phase has been developed so strong that these minute disputes disappear by sweet fragrance of love , and they are out of this cycle .

For some 'unlucky' people , they say like " I don't feel same love any more , I don't feel passion for u , our love is being faded " so what should be action here ??

a) love is noun :: wait for same love to happen again , that eventually never happens and they go for phase-4


b) love is verb :: this is correct and wise action . u need to " act " love . Appreciate her ! Listen her ! Forgive her ! Sacrifice her ! . Empathize her ! Affirm her ! At this point if we start seeing love as verb , we will soon start feeling that warmth in cockles of heart . Love dies only when we dont know how to replenish its natural source if it dies it is because of our own error , betrayals . we must understand that love is an act of will named desire and action .If we do so we will see "love is noun" again and there is no phase-4

4. break-up phase :: Most painful phase . only 'idiotic' people passing through phase 3a) go through it . People who think " love as noun " in phase -3 are real looser like me ;(

कामिनी

२३ वर्षीया उस युवती का नाम कामिनी था , पर नाम की ही कामिनी थी वो | शायद ही उसे देख कर किसी की काम वासना भड़की हो | उसका रंग काला था और सोने पे सुहागा चेहरे पर चेचक के दाग थे | जो भी उसे देखता नाक भोंह सिकोड़े बिना नहीं रह पता था |

जवान लड़की तो ऐसे भी पिता के लिए अभिशाप होती है , ऊपर से कामिनी जैसी बदसूरत | आने जाने वाले रिश्तेदारों के तानो ने गरीब शर्मा जी की रातों की नीद उड़ा दी थी |ऐसा नहीं है की शर्मा जी ने अपनी पुत्री के लिए रिश्ते नहीं देखे , बहुत रिश्ते देखे उसके लिए , पर जो भी युवक उस कन्या को देखता , हमेशा घृणा की भावना से ही देखता | दहेज़ के रूप में शर्मा जी की जीवन भर की कमाई का लालच भी किसी युवक को कामिनी को अपनी अर्धांगिनी बनाने के लिए आकर्षित नहीं कर पाता था |

भले ही वो कुरूप थी , पर थी तो आखिर स्त्री ही | उसके भीतर भी कही ना कही यौवन और उसकी पूर्णता की महत्वाकांक्षा समाहित थी |पर उसकी ये महत्वाकांक्षा जब धूमिल नजर होती आयी जब शर्मा जी की आखिरी उम्मीद , तलाकशुदा ४० वर्षीय रिक्शा चालक दीनू ने भी कामिनी को अपनाने से इंकार कर दिया | शायद अब उस युवती को जीवन भर कुंवारी ही रहना था |

कुछ दिनों बाद अचानक गाँव में हिन्दू मुस्लिम दंगे भड़के | रात का समय था ,बेबाक अन्धकार था | लोग बेहताशा भाग रहे थे इधर उधर | कामिनी भी उस समय वही थी , वो भी अपने दुपट्टे को सँभालते हुए , भाग रही थी लोगो के साथ | अचानक किसी ने कामिनी का हाथ पकड़ लिया और देखते ही देखते भूखे भेडियो का समूह कामिनी पर टूट पड़ा था | और उसकी इज्ज़त लूटने लगा | विवशता और व्याकुलता कामिनी के चहरे पर साफ नजर आ रही थी |वो चिल्ला रही थी चीख रही थी |पर सभी लोगो को अपनी जान की पड़ी थी | उसकी चींखो की परवाह किसको थी |

अचानक रात के अन्धकार में उसकी नजर उसकी इज्ज़त लूटते एक साये पर पड़ी | वो दीनू था | उसने अब चिल्लाना बंद कर दिया था | अपितु उसे एक अजीब सा सुकून मिल रहा था | अपनी फटी सलवार के साथ घर जाते हुए शायद उसे इज्ज़त लूटने के दुःख से ज्यादा इस बात की ख़ुशी थी की दिन के उजाले में ना सही रात के अँधेरे में ही सही, उसका योवन किसी के काम तो आया | निशा की रजिनी में वो भी कामिनी थी |

मित्र

आज वह बहुत दुखी था
दुःख तो उसे हमेशा से ही था
पर आज दुःख का पारावार न था
हमेशा तो आँखों से पानी बहता था
पर आज तो हृदय चीत्कार कर रहा था
और आँखे सुखी थी

ह्रदय की वेदना ना रोने देती थी
ना ह्रदय को चुप होने देती थी
बस छोड़ जाती थी ह्रदय के चारो तरफ
तो एक चीत्कार , एक हाहाकार
और एक सन्नाटा , निर्मोही शांति

किसी ने उसे पागल समझा
तो किसी ने बेचारा समझा
किसी दयावान ने दया का पत्र समझा
तो धर्मात्मा ने प्रभु की मर्जी समझा
पर किसी ने उस दुःख को नहीं समझा

शयद अब ये दुःख ही उसका मित्र था
और निर्मोही शांति उसकी अर्धांगिनी
चलो , अब मेरे जीवन में एक मित्र तो है
इस एक विचार से वो उठा , खड़ा हुआ
और लग गया नित्यक्रम में